6 Truths on Identity
Leading with my heart has led me to struggle with acceptance and authentic relationships. My obsession with what others thought of me, if I was living up to their expectations, prevented me from speaking up for fear of being shushed or overlooked. I would rather exclude myself and march to the beat of my own drum than be excluded by the community around me. I believed I could not be vulnerable for fear they would reject who I was at my core, the way God made me.
As a Christian, my insecurities around this issue were magnified. I didn’t only long to be seen. My need is to be both seen AND loved, just as I am. Knowing in my head I am seen and loved by my Savior, shouldn’t that be enough? Yet, I still struggle with wanting to push everyone out of my life because I feel like I constantly fall short of their ideas of who I am supposed to be.
Wife.
Mother.
Employee.
Leader.
Neighbor.
Church-member.
Child.
Sister.
Friend.
Peer.
Too often, I lump “God’s Child” into this list of roles I want to remove myself from because I know I can never measure up to the expectations I think He has of me. Identity has been a topic I’ve shared on many times because it’s such a big part of my story.
David, the author of the majority of the Psalms, understands, and because his words are captured for us to read today, we can be assured God understands. These six truths from Psalm 139 remind us where our identity lies and who’s voice really matters.
Truth 1: God Knows You
“Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I stand up; you understand my thoughts from far away. You observe my travels and my rest; you are aware of all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, you know all about it, Lord. You have encircled me; you have placed your hand on me. This wondrous knowledge is beyond me. It is lofty; I am unable to reach it.” Psalm 139:1-6 CSB
As an all-knowing God, He knows every bit of me. He knows my coming and my going. He knows my words before I say them. He knows my every action before I take it. He observes me when I am running around crazy. He watches as I rest. Even in verse 6, David acknowledges that God knows this or even his ability to know all this is beyond his understanding. It’s beyond me too, but like the Psalmist, I choose to accept it.
Truth 2: No Escaping God
“Where can I go to escape your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. If I fly on the wings of the dawn and settle down on the western horizon, even there your hand will lead me; your right hand will hold on to me. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me, and the light around me will be night’ - even the darkness is not dark to you. The night shines like the day; darkness and light are alike to you.” Psalm 139:7-12 CSB
This passage may feel comforting, or it may feel troubling. Perhaps you are trying to run from God because of some past mistake or some shame you feel. Well, He is everywhere we go. There is no escaping Him. Yet also, how comforting. God is always present, holding out his hand to offer us comfort, guidance, and light because “even the darkness is not dark to you.” Shadia Hrichi reminds me of the story of Hagar, who found herself alone, cast away, and desolate, yet God saw her. We can be assured no matter the darkness we find ourselves in, He is always present.
Truth 3: He Created You
“For it was you who created my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made. Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well. My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began.” Psalm 139:13-16 CSB
He knows me. Not only is he all-knowing about my actions, but he created me. As a potter knows the ins and outs of his pot. As an architect knows the ins and outs of his structure. As a programmer knows the ins and the outs of the software system he’s created. God created me, which means he knows me better than anyone else. He knows best how I will function, and he cares deeply about how I continue to journey. As my Hope*writer friend Lisa Appelo reminds me, “Trust that God knows the ending.” I am encouraged that my Maker knows the ending too.
Truth 4: It’s About God
“God, how precious your thoughts are to me; how vast their sum is! If I counted them, they would outnumber the grains of sand; when I wake up, I am still with you.” Psalm 139:17-18 CSB
When I trust that God knows me, he’s not leaving me, and he knows me intimately as my Creator, then my thoughts can be released from concerning myself with my well-being and turn to focus on God’s thoughts. His precious thoughts. I have not the days or the time or the endurance to know all his ways, which means I won’t ever run out of thoughts about God, so I can be focused on him and not myself.
Truth 5: It’s Not About Your Enemies
This passage feels out of place to me at first. How does anyone else, even my enemies, have anything to do with God knowing me or understanding me or God’s ways? Ah, but David, you are an emotional man, and I am grateful for your insight here. The turmoil in your soul, I understand it. You were searching for an out of your troubled heart. Maybe it is someone else’s fault that you are struggling the way you are. You may even be trying to justify your reasoning, that you are a righteous soul! What if our identity is not about comparing ourselves to others?
“God, if only you would kill the wicked-you bloodthirsty men, stay away from me-who invoke you deceitfully. Your enemies swear by you falsely. Lord, don’t I hate those who hate you, and detest those who rebel against you? I hate them with extreme hatred; I consider them my enemies.” Psalm 139:19-22 CSB
Truth 6: It’s Between You And God
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24
Identity is an issue between you and God alone. Your heart’s condition cannot be attributed to anyone or anything else. There is a push-pull. A pleading to God to see me in all my goodness and all the things I hate. But my comparison game isn’t about how wicked others are or even about how disgusted I am with their wickedness. My identity lies solely in the relationship I have with God and my willingness to surrender my own heart of ungodliness. My responsibility lies not in meeting the expectations I believe God has on me, instead that I offer myself wholly to Him. This is so he may reveal my offenses, remind me of the calling He gives to me, and lead me in the only everlasting way - His way.
My identity and purpose is to worship Him, and I am grateful for David and leading us to worship from across the eras. Kevin Lotz says it so well, “And as we catch glimpses of God’s overwhelming glory, may we worship Him and invite Him in to examine our lives, not to our shame, but to His care and love.” Rather than focusing on where we fall short on our made-up expectations God has on us, let us turn our attention today to focus on God’s love and our purpose in showing it to the world.
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