A Season of Recollection

Thousands last weekend stuffed themselves with too much food, decorated their homes in anticipation of Christmastime with gaudy garland and glitter, and they have elbowed and shoved their way to the best deals at all the department stores. Instead of spending time in laughter and enjoyment with those dearest to them, they were secretly scrolling for the updated Cyber Monday sales and making Christmas lists. I can blare all the Christmas Carols and watch all the seasonal movies, but it’s all just another cycle of insanity headed my way.

I don’t intend to be a Scrooge. I love all the Christmas things! I love presents wrapped so pretty, and my favorite ornaments hung on the tree. I love poinsettias and wreaths and cookies. I even love the delicate subjects of advent and the “true meaning of Christmas.” This year, something happened inside of me. I’ve been woken this year from my slumber. Each year, I clung so tightly to my traditions, the things I loved that reminded me of Christmas years past. These memories reminded me of family members who have passed. They remind me of once joyful times with those whose relationships are now broken. I am even reminded of those awkward Christmas-Story-like moments when I felt excitement and embarrassment.

This is exactly my struggle. Christmastime reminds me of the past. It reminds me to reminisce about former pieces of my life which have nothing to do with my future. It takes me out of what is going on right around me. I want to experience the dopamine rush I used to experience as a child, so I buy just one gift too much. I want to experience all the delicious tastes, so I sacrifice my health. I want to be remembered one day, so I go overboard for the sake of my son and my nieces and nephews, all in the names of Legacy and Tradition.

I choose to challenge myself this holiday season. I will put up a tree and decorate it with all my favorite ornaments. I will buy presents, wrap them beautifully and place them with care under the tree. I will make a few Christmas treats this season and share them with those around me. But maybe I bake one less treat so I can play a game around the table with my family. Perhaps I buy one less present and have some friends over for a joy-filled evening. Instead of spending time cramming in one more Christmas concert, I’ll prioritize my wellness. If these memories I try to remind myself of each year are so valuable to me, I will find a way January through November to prioritize honoring all the pieces of my past and how they shaped me to be who I am today.

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