I See You and I Hear You
The last six months have been hard.
No matter who you are or where you live, I do not doubt that you have experienced hardship over the previous months in the United States, perhaps longer elsewhere. Maybe you have lost a job or experienced financial hardship due to the pandemic. It’s possible you were laid off, or your spouse was let go because the business simply declined. You turned to see who could come to your rescue, but no one could help you because they simply didn’t know what they were doing either. They couldn’t help you because they couldn’t help themselves. April Ludgate says it best in the classic show Parks & Recreation. This about sums it up folks.
Perhaps you found yourself confined to your home with no outside contact. A big day was going to the grocery store. I mean, anytime you put on pants, it’s kind of a big deal these days. You found yourself staring at the same uneven spot in the floor, the same unfinished wall, the same half-complete home projects thinking you will get to it tomorrow. Tomorrow hasn’t shown up for me yet. I hope you have had better luck.
Even more challenging is the enormous amount of quality time you get now with your loved ones. I hope they are still loved ones after months of closeness and intimacy beyond your wildest dreams! With summer vacations, camps and jobs canceled, you might be wondering when you might get a few moments of true rest for yourself. I see you in your cry.
Add to a global health pandemic and financial crisis the racially unjust murder of George Floyd, compounded upon others like Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and many others. Protests. Riots. Awareness. Activism. Clean-ups. Just so much. I choose to listen rather than speak, making myself aware of what I don’t know. Partially because I know I’m not the one to own the floor. Partially because I just don’t know what to say.
There may be local events causing additional stress, like the most recent wildfires along the west coast, something I am particularly more aware of with my recent move. It’s unlike anything I’ve seen before, with an apocalyptic red sky, thousands evacuating their homes, and many losing everything they own. Every picture. Every piece of clothing. Every bit of comfort.
So. Much. Grief.
It has already been hard but even more challenging for those with mental illness. To you, my friends who struggle with mental illness, I see you, and I hear you. Depression has marked much of my life. And it does not matter much which mental illness you struggle with - depression, anxiety, eating disorders, PTSD, phobias, or any other - the truth is the six months have been hard on the average, healthy person. Those of us who struggle with mental illness-well-it’s been multiplied ten-fold, and sometimes the darkness takes over. Sit in that for a minute. The world we live in as Christ-followers is not our home. We do live in a dark place, full of sin and unfairness, and hatred. There is a real enemy who prowls around, looking to snatch up helpless victims.
“My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, ‘Where is your God?’ Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?” Psalm 42
David reminds us that it is okay to anguish before God’s throne! God does not abandon us because our own minds oppress us. Rather He encourages us to bring EVERY care and concern to him. So today, I bring before God my depression. I lay my lack of motivation, sadness, and tears before him, not to give me a magical fix, rather have someone who hears me and sees me and sits with me, without judgement or condemnation. Lovingly Christ reaches down to comfort me in these dark moments.
“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” Psalm 42:11
These are not prescriptive words. I am not looking to fix the struggle or to tell you it is going to be ok. I am saying that God sees you. And I see you.
I feel relieved to know that I am not alone in these vacillating emotions. I am grateful for emotional David to remind me that one day I will hope again. I am grateful to know when darkness overwhelms me, there will come a time when I will praise Him again and that He truly is my salvation and my God. So, on days when I am unusually sad, I allow myself the few moments to sit in my tears, grief, depression, and I invite God into these moments together.
Are you one who struggles with mental illness? Have you felt your own struggles overwhelm you into silence without asking for help? How can we, as a community, be praying for you today?
