Immersion

Last week, I shared about the epiphany God had granted me in His graciousness. I shared with you about how I realized it wasn’t about the WHAT I was created for but WHO I was created to be. Acknowledgment is important. In fact, it is so important that Alcoholics Anonymous dubs acknowledgment as the first step in recovery. I try so hard in my own effort to overcome my struggles, my insecurities, my pitfalls, only to recognize I am powerless to do so. Sometimes I am so lost, I have not a clue how to put into words my lostness. David so clearly communicates what I have difficulty putting into words in Psalm 139.

“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar...Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?”

— Psalm 139:1 & 7

While it can be comforting to sit in my acknowledgment and wallow in my helplessness, I cannot stay there. I cannot sit in the hurts I have been wounded by and use them as perpetual excuses to wound others with. I must grow. I must take the next step. Where is it though? After my epiphany of acknowledgment, I had to decide where to go next and what to do with my lostness and brokenness. I started at the place I had known since childhood to be a place of refuge and safety: God.

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’”

— Psalm 91:1-2

So now I brought myself to immersion. I had to put in new data to replace the old information, which was playing on repeat in my mind. Over and over, I would replay the offenses I would experience from others or the mistakes I had made, or the broken relationships which seemed to surround me. I would fall into the trap of telling myself I wasn’t worth anything. I believed the lie of my enemy because I let his voice have volume. If I wanted to turn down his volume, I had to turn up the volume of the one who could redeem my lostness.

So, I immersed myself. I committed to not missing a Sunday at church, and I joined a community group, a community-based Bible study. This put me into direct contact with other women. What did I learn? I am not alone. And I wasn’t as lost as I thought I was. My enemy was their enemy too. He was trying to tell them lies too. The truth is, when we are separated from others, it is easy to feel separated and isolated. We start believing things like “No one else struggles with that,” “You aren’t strong enough for…”, “You don’t have anyone who really cares about you.” Do any of those lies resonate with you as they do me? Immersing myself with others helps me to realize I am not alone. Others do struggle with seemingly small matters. Mostly I realized I do have others in my life who care about me. I had to be willing to take the first step into it though.

I also immersed myself in podcasts and, later, books. I immersed myself in the words of others so I could learn to put into words the roller coaster of emotions going on inside of me. I was seeking to make sense of the world around me and how to relate to it. Through these podcasts, I learned to understand my own values. Some of the podcasts which have made the biggest impact are The Minimalists, The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey, Rich Roll, and Marked. These podcasts allowed me to hear the stories of others and to make sense of my own story. There are so many books that have also made such an impact in my walk, and I’ll dive more into these in future posts. Some of the books and studies which have dramatically impacted my road to identity recovery are Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges, The Next Right Thing by Emily P Freeman, Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer, and Stepping Up by Beth Moore, to name a few. These books pushed me into a newfound true walk with Christ, outside of just a religious standing. They taught me about the character of the God I serve and His heart for me and those around me. (Side note: The last two are Bible Studies which have separate leader materials and videos separately.) Now I have found myself craving to read the Bible, but these books and studies taught me to understand God’s Word and the pattern of daily immersion in it.

Ultimately, through constant immersion, I learned to discern. I discerned what was in line with my values. I learned what my values were. I discerned where God was leading me under the guidance of His Word. I learned that it wasn’t about the destination I was trying to get to. It was about taking just the next right step where God was leading me to. My acknowledgment led me to immersion. But now, what to do with it all? How selfish it would be for me to keep all this inside of me! Next week I will share the last piece of discovery, which perpetuates a healing cycle and health in my own life.

If you found value in this article, here are some additional articles for you.

Lisa Garon

Living more like Jesus in our vocations, churches, and communities.

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Step Outside of You

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Living a Life of Acknowledgment