Making New Friendships & Strengthening Old Ones
Making new friendships can be difficult at any time. However, it is more noticeable when entering into a new environment. Even though I am by nature an introvert, my personality also craves authentic and meaningful one-on-one friendships. The secondary bodes well when entering into a new environment because it forces me into seeking authentic relationships—quality over quantity. Whether or not you have moved, the need for community is the same. This article, along with many others, points out that when in the height of our isolation in June and July, suicide rates were significantly higher than the previous year. Connection with others is vital to our health and well-being.
Making new connections in a new place, I face some particularly unique challenges in this move due to the added layer of covid restrictions. The typical cup of coffee I might encourage with some new acquaintances is a more challenging thought. Meeting other moms around the school is a no-go as they are 100% virtual. Meeting even the random stranger and striking up a conversation in the kitchenwares aisle at Target is difficult when I cannot read half of their face to tell if they are open to engagement.
Even though littered along the streets are yard signs and windows all declaring “We are in this together,” I often find these words are empty. What does it look like to really be in this together? And what part do I play in this?
Enjoying coffee with a new friend while she sipped on fresh raspberry lemonade.
Live Boldly. Jesus most assuredly met people in their most outcast states. He healed the leper by placing his hands on him (Matthew 8:1-4). He touched the dead girl and raised her to life (Mark 5:21-43). He put himself in harm’s way by going toe to toe with a demon-possessed man (Mark 5:1-20). He wasn’t concerned with his own safety or even what was customary in the Jewish laws. His heart was beautifully targeted for those most abandoned and isolated. He wanted them to know he saw them in their most contagious sight. They knew he was not fearful of them.
Now, I am not Jesus. You are not Jesus. It is not smart for us in our weak, human flesh to intentionally put us in line with potentially lethal repercussions. Wear your mask. Social distance when appropriate. Be considerate of others’ health and your own. But also know when is the time to comfort a friend, invite one into your home for tea, or help someone load groceries into their car.
One day our restrictions will lift, but will they in our minds? What will the repercussions of quarantine be for each generation experiencing this now? Perhaps the only way to combat long-term loneliness and depression is to live boldly as Jesus did and to reach out when it is uncomfortable for us, even simply by picking up the phone or sending a letter. Who we are reaching out to might already be uncomfortable in their life, and having someone get uncomfortable with them might make all the difference.
Saying Hello. Even though we face unique circumstances, it does not remove the responsibility I have to “love my neighbor as myself,” seizing each opportunity when someone crosses my path. Have you tried to smile with your eyes yet? I soften my eyes with just enough light to express a smile, just enough to let the other person know on the other side of the mask that I am here and available.
Around my neighborhood, fortunately, the weather is still nice enough to go out for walks, and it is likely others are out too. Everyone is a bit more friendly without a mask outside, giving a big smile and “Hello” as we all cross paths. I find myself going out of my way to look for something to say, which might engage more conversation.
Follow Up. When we make a new connection, this isn’t a friendship quite yet. Friendships evolve and grow over time. They deepen roots as you continue to do life together. Engagement is vital to the ongoing development of relationships. Often this looks as simple as a text message thanking them for taking the time to share with me just a part of their journey. Following up with anticipation of another visit or even taking time to get something on the calendar right then can boost and encourage both of you!
I love reading the first few verses of any epistle. Paul addresses that church believers, even though they are separated by distance, are an ongoing extension of their relationship. There is sustenance to the words following as there is admonishment and others there is encouragement, but his words are always seasoned with love for them. And isn’t that what we are about as Christ-followers?
“Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” Romans 13:10
But I Haven’t Moved! That’s ok! Perhaps you haven’t moved or don’t have anyone new in your circle of influence today. We are all in new territory, and there might be budding friendships you had to let go of just to survive the global upset over the last six months. What does it look like to practice these steps with those you already know to strengthen and deepen those relationships?
Today, how is God nudging you to reach out of your comfort to be a comfort to someone else? How can you soften someone’s isolation to let them know how much God loves them so much he sent you to be their friend? Who knows…God may bring you some mutual encouragement too.
Which of these three are you struggling with today: Living Boldly, Saying Hello, Following Up?
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