The last six months have been hard.

No matter who you are or where you live, I do not doubt that you have experienced hardship over the previous months in the United States, perhaps longer elsewhere. Maybe you have lost a job or experienced financial hardship due to the pandemic. It’s possible you were laid off, or your spouse was let go because the business simply declined. You turned to see who could come to your rescue, but no one could help you because they simply didn’t know what they were doing either. They couldn’t help you because they couldn’t help themselves. April Ludgate says it best in the classic show Parks & Recreation. This about sums it up folks.

All of us, admittedly, can give reason after reason as to why 2020 has been difficult. We entered grandly into the new decade, full of hopes and dreams. In the full throws of August, many of us are looking up only to find the pause button still pressed. The things we believed should have been haven't been. The fresh hope and starry wonder January 1st held have dimly faded into a distant memory. Many of us are just now looking up from beyond our masks to discern where to go from here.

Are you an email deleter or an email archiver? Me, I’m an email archiver. Well, until recently. You see, in the last year, we have switched from Android and Google operating systems to Apple. I know I could carry over my habits from my former life into the Apple world, but I’m also one who tries to immerse myself into the new experience, whatever said experience is. So, in my rounds of importing, adapting, and navigating what is seemingly a different language, I have found myself staring at my inbox.

Anxiety.

We all experience this heightened form of stress from time to time. It’s when your stomach ties in knots. Or when your chest tightens. And when your palms get sweaty. It decides to show up at the most inopportune times, like when your head hits the pillow and your eyes start to drupe. No no… you have too much on your mind to sleep, remember? Typically depression and anxiety are linked together as common mental illnesses. However, the two could not be more different. The depression sufferer experiences despondency, dejection, darkness. It can seem to be a black hole with little hope of emerging. One who suffers from anxiety typically wants to accomplish, but they are overcome with unease and uncertainty, racing too far ahead of the very situation they are overwhelmed with.

Grief.

It’s a funny beast. It’s this taboo subject which, until you walk through it, you simply don’t understand. Now, I have experienced loss - two grandmothers, a somewhat estranged brother, and an ex-sister-in-law - but these deaths were not as close to home as losing a parent. People tried to explain to me what grief might be like. I just never really understood, though. To explain grief to someone who has not experienced could be compared to explaining the color blue to someone who has never experienced the gift of sight.

Dare I say: I care not to see another #transformationtuesday. I’ve had my moments when I wake up to find myself anew. I’ve lost some weight. I’m a new person because of some seminar I went through. My muscle def is on point. I recite the affirmations to myself in the mirror till I am blue in the face. Then I post about it EVERYWHERE. Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. And why wouldn't I? I want to be inspiring to others so they can experience the same freedom, right? It couldn’t be that I want to brag on myself for a moment. Or that I want to show the world I have it together. Perhaps I’m so lost in the spin cycle of self-help paraphernalia I just need SOMEONE to tell me I’m doing something right.